If you’re a parent, you know all too well that back-to-school time is the equivalent of an ultramarathon. Buying the items on the school list, registering for various extracurricular activities, checking that their clothes are still the right size, labeling their belongings… And it doesn’t stop there! You also have to catch up on all the unread emails during your vacation, reconnect with team meetings to continue the year properly, and dive back into your to-do list. Unfortunately, exhaustion often awaits us at the end of this sequence, even though the school year has only just begun. If you recognize yourself in this scenario, you’re not alone in experiencing it.

Indeed, a report published in 2023 following an investigation conducted by Concilivi – Réseau pour un Québec Famille shows that in Quebec, work-life balance remains a significant source of stress for a majority (66%) of parents of young children. It should be clarified here that work-life balance refers to the search for balance between the requirements and responsibilities related to work life and family life. The imbalance reported by many parents corresponds rather to work-family conflict. This lack of balance is not without risk.

For example, certain studies report that work-family conflict situations are associated with anxiety and mood disorders in women, whereas in men, they are related to an increase in alcohol dependence and drug use. In addition to having mental health effects, work-family conflict can negatively affect physical health, lifestyles, romantic relationships, and feelings of parental competence. Furthermore, the parent-child relationship can suffer; certain studies show that parents who report experiencing more tension related to work-life balance are at greater risk of shouting, raising their voice, getting angry on a daily basis, and losing their patience when their children ask for attention.

The Different Types of Work-Family Conflicts

Time Conflicts: These happen when the requirements of the different roles make time management difficult. For example, having to work until 5:30 p.m. while the daycare located 20 minutes away (without traffic!) closes at 6 p.m.

Conflicts Related to Tension Between Roles: The more roles people take on, the more likely they are to suffer from pressure, a feeling of being overloaded, and stress. For example, being a worker, a parent, and a caregiver.

Behavioral Conflicts: These appear when a behaviour specific to one role is incompatible with what is expected in another role. For example, having to be direct and authoritative at work when that’s the opposite of what you want to be at home.

Several other elements contribute to a high level of work-family conflict, such as the particularly fast pace of life in our society, the cult of urgency, performance pressure, and the increasing expectations of success that surround us.

How to Promote Well-Being Through Work-Life Balance

There are a few ideas that can help you better reconcile your different roles and generally improve your well-being in the face of them:

The Strength of Flexibility: Benefiting from a flexible work schedule will allow you to adapt to the vagaries of family life. At the same time, having support from those around you can help you meet the demands of work when they are less flexible. Taking the time to discuss your needs and expectations with your loved ones, as well as with your employer, can be an excellent starting point.

Slow Down: Doing several things at once (multitasking) can be very tempting in order to accomplish everything you need to get done. However, performing two or more tasks at the same time is much more tiring for the brain than solving a single difficult exercise. To promote your well-being, it’s necessary to know how to block out distractions. So, there’s no point to ordering sushi over the phone while signing your eldest’s agenda and reading an email from your boss. Your brain will be overheated and less effective at managing each of these tasks. Learn to lower your expectations, make a to-do list, and tackle each task one by one. Meditation can be a good ally to learn how to focus on one thing at a time.

Return to Your Values: Values are the basic principles that guide your life. They are like a compass that orients your choices and actions. Returning to what is most important to you can help you organize your schedule, which will correspond more to who you are. Defining five core values and writing them down somewhere visible on a daily basis could help you anchor yourself during moments where you feel caught in the whirlwind of work-life balance.

A Brief Note About Values

Values guide your behaviours, choices, and decisions. They reflect what you believe, respect, and deem important. However, if you don’t really know your values or don’t respect them, you may feel like you’re going around in circles in your life, searching for fleeting pleasures, or generally feeling less satisfaction, as an important element will be missing: meaning.

Thinking about your values may seem simple, but in reality, many people don’t know where to start to define them better. One of the first authors to take an interest in values is psychologist Shalom H. Schwartz. One of his theories posits 10 basic values (autonomy, stimulation, hedonism, success, power, safety, conformity, tradition, kindness, and universalism) from which other authors have started over time to expand the list. For example, adventure, freedom, and justice have been added.

To help you define yours, don’t hesitate to use an online search engine to find a list of values as well as their definitions. Take the time to carry out the exercise properly and think about what is important to you. That way, you can better anchor yourself in life.

Resources to Delve Deeper

Tremblay, D.- G. (2019). Conciliation emploi-famille et temps sociaux (4th ed.). Presses de l’Université du Québec.

Ferland, F. (2021). Petit guide pour parents épuisés : Vers un quotidien plus serein. Éditions CHU Sainte-Justine.

Lina, V. (host). (April 2021). “Ma place au travail avec Myriam Lapointe-Gagnon” (no. 21) [podcast episode]. In Parents pour la première fois.

Zephyr, L. & Brazeau, J. (hosts). (September 2022). “Avoir hâte de retourner au travail” (no. 44) [podcast episode]. In Ça va maman ?

Sources

Allen, T. D., Herst, D. E., Bruck, C. S., & Sutton, M. (2000). “Consequences associated with work-to-family conflict: A review and agenda for future research.” Journal of Occupational Health Psychology 5(2), 278-308.

Boulet, M. & Le Bourdais, C. (2016). “Pratiques de conciliation travail-famille et détresse psychologique des salariés québécois : une comparaison selon le genre.” Relations industrielles/ Industrial Relations 71(3), 442–467.

Institut national de santé publique du Québec. (2005). “La difficulté de concilier travail-famille : ses impacts sur la santé physique et mentale des familles québécoises.”

Vahedi, A., Krug, I., & Westrupp, E. M. (2019). “Crossover of parents’ work-family conflict to family functioning and child mental health.” Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology 62, 38 –49.

Photo: © Bianca Des Jardins