Loneliness has emerged as a major social issue today. Far from being a mere temporary state or an individual choice, it stretches across a wide range of realities and affects people of all ages, sometimes in unexpected ways. Public health institutions now recognize loneliness as a major risk factor for physical and mental health, given how profound and lasting its effects can be. According to the World Health Organization, one in six people worldwide report being affected by loneliness, a condition that is associated with an increased risk of premature death, comparable to other well-documented risk factors.
Yet this loneliness does not always show itself in dramatic ways. It often creeps in quietly, alongside broader shifts in our lifestyles: the rise of individualism, the advent of remote work, moving away from urban centres, the proliferation of diverse family structures, and the desire to conserve energy by minimizing friction and discomfort. Loneliness often coexists with full, active, and independent lives. It is not necessarily visible, nor is it always immediately felt as such.
It is this complexity that deserves to be explored. Not to pit loneliness against community, but to understand what, in the way we live today, is weakening our connections, even when we still have a profound desire for those connections.
LIFESTYLES THAT TRANSFORM INTERACTIONS
Remote work is the most striking example. In Canada, the proportion of people working primarily from home rose from about 7% in 2016 to over 20% in 2023, and since then, it has remained at a level well above that of pre-pandemic times. The benefits are well-documented: better work-life balance, reduced commute times, and greater autonomy in the organization of daily life.
But these gains come with a major drawback: high-intensity remote work reduces informal social interactions and can heighten feelings of isolation, especially when these practices become long-term. Spontaneous conversations, shared physical presence, and exchanges born from proximity to one another are gradually disappearing, eroding a sense of belonging in the process.
But remote work is just one example among many. There have also been transformations in all spheres of life: increased residential mobility, moving away from urban centres, dependence on cars, the fragmentation of family models, and the individualization of life paths. People move further away to buy a home, distance themselves from their social networks out of necessity, and live in neighbourhoods where opportunities for spontaneous encounters are becoming rarer.
Little by little, the bonds once nourished by sharing the same spaces are becoming harder to maintain. Community isn’t disappearing, but it’s no longer emerging naturally from our daily activities.
THE MANY FACES OF LONELINESS
It would be a mistake to assume that all of these changes result in a uniform experience of loneliness. People’s experiences vary widely. Some people live alone without feeling isolated, while others are surrounded by people yet still feel disconnected. Loneliness is not always linked to a lack of relationships, but to a gap between the quality of the connections we desire and those that actually exist, a distinction that has become central to research on the subject. Loneliness can exist within stable, functional lives, without leaving much room to be acknowledged or expressed.
“PROTECT YOUR PEACE”: WHEN BOUNDARIES BECOME SOCIAL NORMS
More recently, we have observed another equally formative trend: the rise of discourse around personal boundaries. In a world marked by mental fatigue, collective anxiety, and information overload, learning to say no, preserving yourself, and protecting your inner peace has not only become legitimized, but valued.
This increased focus on individual boundaries has allowed many to regain a balance that had previously been disrupted. However, several recent analyses highlight that by minimizing relational discomfort, we simultaneously reduce the depth of our connections.
WHERE DISCOMFORT FITS IN
By definition, community cannot be entirely comfortable. It involves different rhythms, diverging expectations, and conversations we’d rather avoid. In a culture that equates well-being with comfort, these frictions tend to be perceived as nuisances to be eliminated, rather than as a normal part of living together.
Yet maintaining meaningful relationships requires people to be present and consistent, and sometimes forces them to make an effort that goes against the flow of the moment. Going out to dinner with a friend after a long day, when your first instinct would be to go home to rest. Calling a loved one knowing that certain words might hurt or upset us. Organizing a family gathering despite the logistics, noise, and fatigue that come with it. Reaching out to colleagues we don’t know as well.
These gestures require more than just time. They require availability, an openness to discomfort, and an acceptance of the fact that a connection may not always be smooth or fulfilling in the moment.
Fortunately, research in social psychology shows that it is precisely these meaningful relationships, the ones that require an investment, that are most strongly associated with enduring well-being, emotional resilience, and a sense of purpose. Herein lies the paradox: the most demanding connections are also the most nourishing ones.
RETHINKING WELL-BEING AS A RELATIONAL PRACTICE
These findings invite us to rethink well-being beyond our immediate needs and desires. Major public health institutions now recognize that social connection is a key determinant of health, just like sleep or physical activity.
From this perspective, community is neither an abstract ideal nor a tight-knit network. It is built through repeated, sometimes imperfect, presence in our relationships, which require vulnerability and openness. It does not deny that a need for solitude or boundaries exists, but it reminds us that well-being is also nourished by a certain commitment to others.
THREE APPROACHES TO MAINTAINING CONNECTION
(1) CHOOSE PRESENCE, EVEN WHEN IT IS NOT OPTIMAL
In our daily lives, structured around efficiency and energy management, presence often becomes conditional; we see each other when we are well-rested, available, and fully open. Revaluing connection means sometimes agreeing to participate in it differently, such as arriving tired, less available, or with little more to offer than simple presence. These tiny moments (a coffee shared despite being tired, an impromptu walk, a call made without a specific reason in mind) are often the most meaningful, since they draw on our vulnerability and our ability to come as we are.
(2) LEARN TO SEE DISCOMFORT AS A TEMPORARY STATE, NOT A WARNING SIGN
In a culture that equates well-being with smoothness, the slightest tension can be interpreted as a sign that one should withdraw. Yet discomfort, as long as it is not recurring, is not always an indicator of toxicity; it is often a reflection of a genuine encounter between two human beings. Learning to remain present in these moments of discomfort (delicate conversations, silences, misunderstandings) allows bonds to deepen.
(3) CREATE FAVOURABLE CONDITIONS
Community is not born solely from intention, but from repetition, by frequenting the same places, maintaining regular meet-ups, and signing up for activities where one meets familiar faces, even without any natural affinity. It is these anchors, sometimes modest, that transform one-off encounters into meaningful relationships that do us good, regardless of their depth.
Sources
Diener, Ed & Seligman, Martin. (2002). Very happy people. Psychological Science, 13(1), 81–84. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9280.00415
Holt-Lunstad, Julianne, Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227–237. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691614568352
Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. (2025). Social connections and loneliness in OECD countries. OECD Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1787/6df2d6a0-en
Paquet Rapold, Stéphanie. (2023). Décrire l’isolement social des télétravailleurs. Université du Québec à Trois-Rivières.
Statistics Canada. (2024). Télétravail, emploi du temps et bien-être.
World Health Organization. (2025). Social connection and loneliness.